We Are A Wormhole.
I bitch and moan so much about my job I thought I'd spare a second to give some propers. To be sure, there is a lot about my job that sucks. Namely, my coworkers, the stifiling self-consciousness among a large majority of the student body, the politics, the fact that because I'm on the front line my coworkers think it's cool to dump their emotional bullshit onto me. Etc. Whatever, here I go bitching again.
I love the punk rock kids. I can't tell you how much I favor the punk rock kids, how wrong it is, yet how I continue to do it, despite the conscious degree to which I realize that it's wrong. The other day I saved a kid from a detention simply because he was wearing a NOFX tshirt. The back of said tshirt had a picture of "dubya" on it, and below was printed the words "Idiot son of an asshole." (One of their songs.) Cool? Yeah. Oh yeah. If you play the guitar in a band that looks up to the Misfits, we're golden. I really don't care that it's favoritism. It's not like I'm mean to the others... I just gotta help my brethren.
The only real problem that I have with the students is their lack of uniqueness. It's hard to remember high school, hard to remember that desire to fit in that overrides any desire for individuality. I think that's why I love the punk rock kids. They just don't give a shit. I know I wasn't that strong in high school. I wasn't so insecure that I was acting like a moron just to fit in (there are so many kids who seriously do this) but I was definitely stressing about not wearing the same pants twice in a week, saying the right things, not associating with the weirdos, etc. How ironic that for my second stretch at the high school I not only love the weirdos but I make every effort that I can to bend the rules to their advantage. There is this one kid who had been ditching school during 3rd period every day, and not coming back. He randomly started talking to me about his band one day, and we ended up waxing philisophical for about a half an hour. He's been in school every day since and today gave me two tickets to a show his band is playing at in Parma next weekend. It's hard to convey how much this kind of stuff brightens my day. He's a kid who doesn't fit in at all, but that you just know is going to do something unconventional and awesome with his life. He chose me to open up to, to reach out to, to make a connection with. And that makes all the difference. I can go back again, on Monday, because this kid is going to want to see and talk to me. (And vice versa.) It's the little things, seriously.
There's this other kid who comes to talk with me at least three times a day. I have to admit that he's my favorite kid in the school. His parents have no money and he has like 6 siblings and he's an absolute spazz and the moron who works with me from 11-1 rolls her eyes whenever she sees him coming. He has got so much spunk though, and he doesn't give a seriously doesn't give a good god damn what anyone thinks of him, not even what I think of him. His honesty and confidence intimidate and inspire me. He's 15. He's 15 and I feel blessed to have such a close relationship with him! He's taught me a few Muai-Tai moves, and his eyes glaze when he starts talking about martial arts. He talks NON STOP and when you poke fun at him for it he smiles his sly smile and says, "I'm an Aries, what can I say??" and somehow it suffices. He runs errands for me when he should be sitting bored in study hall. I wander out to the lunch room to fake steal his apple during 5th period when he's sitting at a table by himself. I love this kid.
And of course, the best has been saved for last. He's the kid that everybody thinks of when someone talks about violence in the schools, school bombings, Columbine. He has ridiculously unruly and unkempt red hair that curls so beautifully that you can't help but want to have a few minutes with his head and some hair gel. He wears a long black trench coat to school and listens to Marilyn Manson while he stares at the floors and walks down the hall. I've never seen him wear a color other than black. He often wears a tshirt with forearm length leather bracers fastooned with all types of metal buckles and grommets. His appearance is at best shocking, if not intimidating. The first time we talked he told me all about his stomach ulcer and how sometimes he has to spend time in the bathroom puking blood before he can go to class, how most of his teachers understand when he's late. Through the weeks and months our relationship has gelled around music; most of the stuff on my itunes at work is from CDs that he's lent me. The other day we had an in-depth and animated conversation about Nine Inch Nails and today at lunch he came to tell me that he'd made me a t-shirt in art class (silk screening) with Trent Reznor crouched and holding his head, and NIN emblazoned across the front. Most people can't get past his appearance and it makes me laugh at their ignorance. Here they are missing out on an awesomely unique individual because they're afraid of what it might look like if they're caught talking to someone like that...
Whatever though, this post is starting to sound self-congratulatory and that's not what I had intended. What's my point? Individuality is a RARE bird among today's youth, I think. I know everyone says this, but I don't remember things being like they are now when I was a young'un. It seems like times are getting harder for unique individuals. I dunno. I wanna form a club though, for the high schoolers. I will be sooooo selective though, and I can't pass it by the board because I want to be able to smoke and drink and dance on foreign shores in the beating sunlight. We will be called the Ferocious Ones. Because, I think, you have to be ferocious to be yourself in this age. You have to be quite strong indeed.
Ferocity will be my philosophy: cads for comfort, ignorant of science. Enslaved youth! By being too kind I have wasted my life.
I love the punk rock kids. I can't tell you how much I favor the punk rock kids, how wrong it is, yet how I continue to do it, despite the conscious degree to which I realize that it's wrong. The other day I saved a kid from a detention simply because he was wearing a NOFX tshirt. The back of said tshirt had a picture of "dubya" on it, and below was printed the words "Idiot son of an asshole." (One of their songs.) Cool? Yeah. Oh yeah. If you play the guitar in a band that looks up to the Misfits, we're golden. I really don't care that it's favoritism. It's not like I'm mean to the others... I just gotta help my brethren.
The only real problem that I have with the students is their lack of uniqueness. It's hard to remember high school, hard to remember that desire to fit in that overrides any desire for individuality. I think that's why I love the punk rock kids. They just don't give a shit. I know I wasn't that strong in high school. I wasn't so insecure that I was acting like a moron just to fit in (there are so many kids who seriously do this) but I was definitely stressing about not wearing the same pants twice in a week, saying the right things, not associating with the weirdos, etc. How ironic that for my second stretch at the high school I not only love the weirdos but I make every effort that I can to bend the rules to their advantage. There is this one kid who had been ditching school during 3rd period every day, and not coming back. He randomly started talking to me about his band one day, and we ended up waxing philisophical for about a half an hour. He's been in school every day since and today gave me two tickets to a show his band is playing at in Parma next weekend. It's hard to convey how much this kind of stuff brightens my day. He's a kid who doesn't fit in at all, but that you just know is going to do something unconventional and awesome with his life. He chose me to open up to, to reach out to, to make a connection with. And that makes all the difference. I can go back again, on Monday, because this kid is going to want to see and talk to me. (And vice versa.) It's the little things, seriously.
There's this other kid who comes to talk with me at least three times a day. I have to admit that he's my favorite kid in the school. His parents have no money and he has like 6 siblings and he's an absolute spazz and the moron who works with me from 11-1 rolls her eyes whenever she sees him coming. He has got so much spunk though, and he doesn't give a seriously doesn't give a good god damn what anyone thinks of him, not even what I think of him. His honesty and confidence intimidate and inspire me. He's 15. He's 15 and I feel blessed to have such a close relationship with him! He's taught me a few Muai-Tai moves, and his eyes glaze when he starts talking about martial arts. He talks NON STOP and when you poke fun at him for it he smiles his sly smile and says, "I'm an Aries, what can I say??" and somehow it suffices. He runs errands for me when he should be sitting bored in study hall. I wander out to the lunch room to fake steal his apple during 5th period when he's sitting at a table by himself. I love this kid.
And of course, the best has been saved for last. He's the kid that everybody thinks of when someone talks about violence in the schools, school bombings, Columbine. He has ridiculously unruly and unkempt red hair that curls so beautifully that you can't help but want to have a few minutes with his head and some hair gel. He wears a long black trench coat to school and listens to Marilyn Manson while he stares at the floors and walks down the hall. I've never seen him wear a color other than black. He often wears a tshirt with forearm length leather bracers fastooned with all types of metal buckles and grommets. His appearance is at best shocking, if not intimidating. The first time we talked he told me all about his stomach ulcer and how sometimes he has to spend time in the bathroom puking blood before he can go to class, how most of his teachers understand when he's late. Through the weeks and months our relationship has gelled around music; most of the stuff on my itunes at work is from CDs that he's lent me. The other day we had an in-depth and animated conversation about Nine Inch Nails and today at lunch he came to tell me that he'd made me a t-shirt in art class (silk screening) with Trent Reznor crouched and holding his head, and NIN emblazoned across the front. Most people can't get past his appearance and it makes me laugh at their ignorance. Here they are missing out on an awesomely unique individual because they're afraid of what it might look like if they're caught talking to someone like that...
Whatever though, this post is starting to sound self-congratulatory and that's not what I had intended. What's my point? Individuality is a RARE bird among today's youth, I think. I know everyone says this, but I don't remember things being like they are now when I was a young'un. It seems like times are getting harder for unique individuals. I dunno. I wanna form a club though, for the high schoolers. I will be sooooo selective though, and I can't pass it by the board because I want to be able to smoke and drink and dance on foreign shores in the beating sunlight. We will be called the Ferocious Ones. Because, I think, you have to be ferocious to be yourself in this age. You have to be quite strong indeed.
Ferocity will be my philosophy: cads for comfort, ignorant of science. Enslaved youth! By being too kind I have wasted my life.
1 Comments:
At 7:11 PM,
porfiry said…
Agreed. This post made me grin real wide. I'm glad that you're there. Especially for that kid who lives around the corner with crazy beautiful eyes that he always hides. And that karate kid who I know from subbing who was the only reason the job was cool.
Too bad the teachers aren't cooler.
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