Young Michael with the Blue Eyes

He only acted like an asshole because that's all you ever told him, the "you're spending the summer with your dad" when dad makes it a daily ritual to tell him he was a mistake from square one, I remember

the offer of a cup of water in the seventh grade when he had a fight

an older boy

reason gone.

He sat there, fierce blue eyes quivering with anger but soft and hungry after my admission, how the hell do we make friends in this cutting world.

"You were a mistake." I wish I could hold you. I wish you would let me. Fierce blue eyes he looks like Joaquin Phoenix I thought, and probably hates the reflection, hates going near mirrors for it.

Thoughts of Elliott and how to imagine even remotely what it would be like to be too young to know of what you're capable but old enough to be able to loathe yourself. 17 and drugs already, alcohol already, kicked out of trade school for showing up drunk, what will you do now, I told you you were no good, told you told you....

What route. Tracks of the train's arm.

17 and so ruined, already. Human beings can be such awful, ugly things.