Lupi.

He's leaving, he says, and too late for me to do anything about it. I am getting to a point that I feel as though attempting to make any plans in my life is utter folly. Like I am trying to manage a top as it spins wildly out of control. He is leaving, running away, and there is nothing left for me to do but pray that he really shows up for the court appointment that will give me back my name. Six little letters and it's all I want in life, and it feels so utterly impossible. I told him 30-90 days after I file and it was too long for him to wait. "There is too much at stake," he said. And all I can hear in my head as a reply is you have absolutely got to be fucking kidding me.

Christ Jesus,
help me to find Your purpose in this.