Just Clearing My Head

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Monday, January 05, 2015

Oxford Girls

It's never easy, and I hadn't tried to pretend that this time would be any different. More and more I feel like a square peg in a round hole here; I think this year's return to work after winter break has been the hardest. There is so much capitulation involved in spending so many hours a day in close quarters with two people who tear your very spirit asunder. A night of tossing and turning and a 6:00 wake up, back into the deluge. There are five months left roughly, a feat that seems both possible and unrelentingly far away. Because of how her only resolution was to get to work on time and how on the very first day she rambles in ten minutes late, a miasma of bags, things, hectic. And how it then takes around two hours to begin any actual work because of all the gossip making and self aggrandizing. And the other who invents words like "simotameous" when she means simultaneous, who has had a life of excess and pedigree and advantage and is just insufferable. And so my 8:30 mood had already gone from a rough patch job of forced smiles and half attention to full orneriness, every action word laugh breath like a passing glance over an exposed nerve ending. I turned my attention inward and chose work that was likewise -- to compile the letters that my advisory group of seniors had written to freshmen before break. And like a breath of fresh air there it was, at the bottom of the pile.

"High school can be tough, but you will make it! Be smart, don't make stupid decisions! Go out there and make a world for yourself! Talk to the people you want to, ignore those who let you down and make you feel worthless. They ain't worth it. Just remember, life is yours. You make what your life is. Every decision will impact it."

Thank you so much, anonymous senior.

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