Shakin and a'quakin

Marcus Aurelius would lambaste me for my hesitation at this point. What I have come to realize is that, unless one is willing to take risks now and then, one will be relegated to a position of accepting whatever happens to come into one's life, by chance or happenstance or whatever other means. Just waiting for leftovers instead of getting the first crack at what's being offered. I can't do it anymore, though I'm full of fear, anxiety, apprehension. I have to be a brave warrior for the emily of tomorrow.

"Soon you will be dead, and then none of this will matter."

Last winter, a kid came in to get a copy of his transcript from me. He had graduated a year after me, and was going to be enrolling in LCCC. Most people sit in one of the lobby chairs while I get their transcripts ready, but this guy stuck with me during the whole process (he wanted me to fax it, too, and even came back to the fax machine with me.) The whole time he was with me, he was asking me about things, what I do for fun, etc. I knew what was coming, and it didn't worry me. It feels good to feel wanted. When I had finished up the process, I wished him luck with school, and he asked if I wanted to do something some time. I told him that I had a boyfriend, and that was that. Today I summon that kid's strength and fearlessness. I am a moment of singular, resolute action! (Let's just ignore my shaking knees....)