Month Five.

It's hard to remember, what all those nights on the couch downstairs were like. We would cradle so many tiny and delicate tendrils of conversation, snowfall outside, you in your carhartt overalls and I couldn't wait to hear the low rumble of the truck's engine stop outside, and your footsteps seconds later. Eye contact melted my resolve back then, we hadn't shared a fraction of what we've shared now but in a way we knew each other better during those couch nights, than in any of these nights of clanking recyclable containers and not talking and petulance.

Hearts break and crack, and grow brittle, and you begin to guard the remaining shreds with everything in you. I wish that a smile would still suffice. I wish we could have made the leap from laying the foundations of ourselves out for each other to building marble walls together. We are building them apart, and to shut each other out. I wish I could reach over and remember again what it's like to just lay in your arms for two hours listening to the rise and fall of your breath, ear to chest. We should be excellent to each other.

Weekend Shoot

Arms Spread Wide

we were all talking
about how much we wanted you to fail so that we could point and say,
"it wasn't me."

it's hard sometimes. to work for people that you're much smarter than. to watch those wheels spin. life is not short. and you relish every second of it, even the moments of correcting a letter written by your boss that is missing several verbs. important verbs. "at least I have a passion," you think to yourself, and immediately feel guilty afterward.

human nature is a funny thing.
we run and run and run
and then we get there,
and then we stand for a moment,
and we say,
what next?

The first step:
Don't be anxious. Nature controls it all. And before long you'll be no one -- like Hadrian, like Augustus.

The second step:
Concentrate on what you have to do. Fix your eyes on it. Remind yourself that your task is to be a good human being; remind yourself what nature demands of people. Then do it, without hesitation, and speak the truth as you see it. But with kindness. With humility. Without hypocrisy.

the wheels continue to spin, forward. life truly is just a series of small steps.