Cinderella Gonna Ride To Die

She was talking to me again this morning about her feelings of disillusion within her marriage. Sounds like it's been a rough week in the Geist household. She said, "I almost want to tell you girls to not even bother with getting married," (she lumps me together with her daughters, I think, which is actually kind of really endearing.) "I would say that it's not even worth it, but I wouldn't want you to be alone for your whole life, either, so I guess it's not completely not worth it."

So we take out the loan against our future and think we're getting a really good, low interest rate, just have to keep paying it down and down until we finally own our happiness, when all of a sudden you're eighty and you realize you never even made a dent in the principal, that you spent your entire life picking up socks and mopping floors and rushing home to get dinner in the oven and raising the kids and not having orgasms and you were never once appreciated. Adult boys in too big bodies with no idea how to go about being caring, let alone accepting women as equal, aging mothers looking desperately for something to nurture, having no idea how to nurture themselves. They whither, whither, and whither, and play games with each other, hoping desperately that one day it'll work; that they'll see, reflected back in the eyes of their unadoring spouse, the person that they have been too afraid to be for themself.

We have got to be so incredibly selfish to get through life with any of the shiny green stuff inside of us left. It doesn't matter what other people think. You keep searching for the right group of people until you find the ones that don't have to drink every night to numb their unhappiness, don't have to make you feel bad in order to make themselves feel good, know how to give you the compassion and loving kindness that you deserve. They're out there, just stop settling. There is a world of difference between being alone, and being lonely.