U Turn

breathing you in I feel
complete --
complete.
purposeful.
whole.
amazed at what life has to offer.
i breathe you in again and again
inhale



inha--



exhale.
a thousand times and still it's not enough --
who knew how quickly things could change,
how sure I could be of things,
of this,
of me,
of

everything.
riding this rollercoaster still,
and,
no mistake,
but the highs begin to take me higher,
and the lows
well.
the lows are not so unfathomable.
how could anyone be...
an island on their own,
inside i feel something i haven't felt in an unmarked amount of time.
depth - passion - importance

loving kindness.
and not the type that would
wait only for the happiness
but would
take you on its back when you were too weak to walk
too weak to walk,
and even after,
see the ocean in my returned gaze.
little death happens every day and so subtley,
so subtley that one not even need take notice.
until
years later,
you wake to find your limbs chilled with despair
face pale
eyes hollow,
and then something remarkable happens.
you rise from this ignominious state,
reclaim what was yours and

begin to put the pieces back into place.
the death-grip is strong
and it takes a fierce warrior to find release,
but my clan has produced some of the fiercest.
warm flesh replaces the death and decay
slowly,
and though it rattles the entire foundation,
there is only one word echoing in your mind, the gift of the russians,
Onward.

That I would have found you along this shakey and dangerous trek
is an unexpected gift,
a gift,
a.
gift.

breathing you in I feel
at home.