On What Life Is.
$29.00 more than I had counted on and it's enough. But, I am done wanting that which is simply enough. Head: like a seive. Heart: ignoring it. Character: changeable, frustratingly so. Thought: fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.
Don't talk to me of insecurities, I have known more than my share, do know more than is healthy, the bubbling vat of acid that is my stomach will attest. Though stasis is no longer an issue. And the resolve is becoming more chiseled. I am not one to settle, never never never, life is not about settling for what's easy / safe / comfortable / within walking distance.
Close your blue eyes, lay down, next to me. Sinking into something that is not myself, Litmus strips, where are the confounded Litmus strips?!
Fall into me, completely. Totally, unashamedly, completely. Your half-attempts and violent flailing about get you precisely nowhere. All of your life you have been looking for me, and now that you're this close, you turn around, seized by fear! Be stronger than that. Your thought process lately -- fallible, self-defeating, juvenile, weak. I know how much you want this; why do you go on, chasing your tail, looking for any reason to deny yourself the rejoicing that will occur once you come home? While you are so determined to go on finding fault with yourself, I'll keep hoping that you find what matters. A hint: Go within.
Don't talk to me of insecurities, I have known more than my share, do know more than is healthy, the bubbling vat of acid that is my stomach will attest. Though stasis is no longer an issue. And the resolve is becoming more chiseled. I am not one to settle, never never never, life is not about settling for what's easy / safe / comfortable / within walking distance.
Close your blue eyes, lay down, next to me. Sinking into something that is not myself, Litmus strips, where are the confounded Litmus strips?!
Fall into me, completely. Totally, unashamedly, completely. Your half-attempts and violent flailing about get you precisely nowhere. All of your life you have been looking for me, and now that you're this close, you turn around, seized by fear! Be stronger than that. Your thought process lately -- fallible, self-defeating, juvenile, weak. I know how much you want this; why do you go on, chasing your tail, looking for any reason to deny yourself the rejoicing that will occur once you come home? While you are so determined to go on finding fault with yourself, I'll keep hoping that you find what matters. A hint: Go within.
2 Comments:
At 4:18 PM,
bava said…
I think that what Mandela says is true.
We're not afraid of failure; failure is comforting because it means you can stop trying.
What we're afraid of is success, of measuring up to our ideals, of greatness. This is a hard fear to overcome.
Sometimes, I think part of the problem is the thinking. The difference between striving to be great; and just being, knowing that you are great. I think striving to be great is a lot more difficult than just being great.
At 5:28 PM,
euc said…
and sometimes
the difficult part
is just
breathing
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