Don't Panic.

and about what you were saying about the drunk girl who tried to crash your dinner party, well, it is like throwing rocks in a pond. you're gonna see the ripples awhile, but in the end you will settle back into your 'normal' frame of mind. though you may think that your worldly view is in the state of constant change, there are some areas that stay, and will remain the same no matter how drastic the makeover. it is the essence of you, of emily. the part of you that, if every sensory organ was cut off from your brain and you were suspended in perpetual limbo and darkness, would still be there. YOU are the listener of intuition. our minds are limited, we cannot comprehend nonexistence, which is why we've created the afterlife when really there was no before or after, there just IS (life). i've used the analogy of one hand clapping before, and i'm sure you've heard it a thousand and two times. but it is never so true as when the mind or our 'true' selves try to envision our 'true' selves. the sound of one hand clapping. i believe through meditation one comes close to that state of realization. it is called buddhahood. satori. nirvana. yeah, you've heard the schmeal. but even if you never reach that state, just by acknowledging that there is a 'core' to you, you have just drawn the line of who you are and who you will never be.

i guess that is what i was trying to say. i hope it made a little sense. philosophical matters always lose direction, always suffer from the lack of literary vocabulary, consisting mainly of subjective aspects. it is easy to describe an object, but to describe how it is feeling is an entirely different ballgame.


Thanks, Ryan.