Soft and Longing

And it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull, and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my soul,

I remember, just so [thank god] infrequently that feeling, the absolute aloneness looking at your face and how I thought I was ever going to do something to change that. Sucking sinking downgoing frightful grey black silence and your lips the way they would curl with loathing and anger, sunglasses in a dark room ice clinking into glass end of the line.

I know now, and it's so absolutely crazy to me to think back on those days, that I would have spent as much time as I did waiting pleading hoping. For what, I would ask her. Forget the building upon a shaky foundation, you can't build when there are no materials period with which to do so. I have a King now, and it's so incredibly easy. To just be with you, and it's so much more than I ever imagined could exist. Like a best friend and brother prince king lover protector provider man. And to be loved so, in return. It's so nice up here I never want to land.

And They Shall Hold Their Manhoods Cheap,

It's such a long way. And it seems so obvious when you get to the hindsight part but you can't go through life knowing in advance how it will all shake out. And you never thought it would be the uphill that would excite, the struggle, the taste of the chase and how forbidden. Doesn't that go away in around the tenth grade, you think to no one in particular, because the voice in your head is the only one you can make any sense of anymore. When you've taken so many hits and continued on with it, and shouldn't that count for something? But too late you realize that it's not up to you to make sense out of it because you're not dealing with a situation that is in any way logical. Before you can come to that consensus about the thing, though, you feel like you could bend crack break with just the slightest push.

But you will take your licks and grow big and strong and it will go on. You will be better for the experience, even though you will still want to wish it away sometimes. But it gets better, it does.