85,000 Miles

He seemed so unashamed of how he operated but there's no place you can put the outrage, no relief valve for the apoplexy without breaking decorum. Does no one else see this? How he is? A useless man surrounded by useless men and it's been this way for probably ever. She will have to do everything and he will always only ask "what's for dinner" without ever recognizing that this is a question that can be unuttered and just handled. You can't change any of that. I'm not sure that that's even the hard part, for me. There could be an exit strategy for her and the female line she has descended from leans mostly toward cleverness and survival. She could be fine, if she chooses to be.

The hard part is the wondering if they see it too. Was it his charm (vomit) that secured his spot, or is that part just dealt with as ancillary to the promise of utility, to be of need, a way to remain in that vaunted place. I leave these interactions feeling unsettled within myself, somewhat alien, as though I am a problem. Like a muppet monster uninvited to a child's tea party but there anyhow, for whatever reason. For a long time I thought the goal was to get on the guest list. It's not a party I want to be at anymore, though, and I think it's a realization I should feel sadder about. I am not inhuman and there are things that can cut my soul. Bonds can only be stretched so far though, before they become weak, abandoned, broken. So what do you do? You have to focus on the bonds that are healthy and that keep you headed towards your goal (peace). You don't have to be good.