For What It's Worth.
I hate it when I cry. What does that stem from? Fear of weakness? Vulnerability? The inability to admit that breaking points exist. That I'm not, after all, Vin Diesel.
To be 68 and so fucking petty. To be that old and bereft of wisdom, or tact, or any grace. To be clinging to the job as a shield against the grave, to look in the mirror and deny that one will inevitably die. To engender frustration and on the really bad days, hatred. That a package so small could contain so much fear and loathing...
I am not a rock and today she broke me. Today sucked, actually. All the way around. The worst thing is that I would do and have done anything for this agency, and she'll never appreciate it. That I'll never be seen as an intellectual equal. That any ideas I have for innovation will immediately be greeted with a "that's a bad idea." Hard, on days like this, to remember the unfathomable depths. She is so awful. How does that happen to a life?
To be 68 and so fucking petty. To be that old and bereft of wisdom, or tact, or any grace. To be clinging to the job as a shield against the grave, to look in the mirror and deny that one will inevitably die. To engender frustration and on the really bad days, hatred. That a package so small could contain so much fear and loathing...
I am not a rock and today she broke me. Today sucked, actually. All the way around. The worst thing is that I would do and have done anything for this agency, and she'll never appreciate it. That I'll never be seen as an intellectual equal. That any ideas I have for innovation will immediately be greeted with a "that's a bad idea." Hard, on days like this, to remember the unfathomable depths. She is so awful. How does that happen to a life?
1 Comments:
At 8:45 AM,
porfiry said…
Nay, sister, the age is actually 69. If it is possible, if you can take any solace at all, I can assure you that the confrontation stemmed from her dire insecurity, and had little to do with you, individually. This morning I came in and the first thing she said was how we had to be strict and harsh with the only student we've got working for us. Nip it early. Be like a hammer. I am not exaggerating.
Your dream is funny because, stop me if I've told you this, but she did buy pool passes for everyone who worked here a few years ago, as a christmas present. S & A got 3-month passes, M got a 1 month pass... after the month was over our Fuhrer was willing to renew M's pass for another 2 months, contingent upon her using it more than once a week.
It's the little things that tell you what a person is like.
Post a Comment
<< Home