And Tuna and Squinty Too

It's in the quiet and the dark and the semi-lucid twitching of almost sleep, our limbs still entwined and his lips a centimeter from mine, that I remember the things I used to hear in youth. And I feel your arms around me and your lips against mine and how you say my name first, how you say my name, and I know, I know. I tried two nights ago to tell him about it, the path I had to take to get here, and I remembered the phone call to Anne and Olympia that last time and how instead of hating you more I think it made me hate ME more, and how that realization now makes me want to destroy you, just so much anger, and I looked at him and could not believe that this is the same life and these emotions were possible back then, too. That it took so long to realize what was unhealthy. And that I consider myself an educated person! His breath on my neck and we fall asleep like that and I wake with those fingers combing through my hair and he calls me baby and before we get up he pulls me closer and in the silence so much is said. And it is more than I ever thought possible.