Dear Alex and Marilynn,

Work today feels pointless. The United Way grant application keeps blankly staring at me, I have absolutely no willpower for now. Cannot force myself to begin editting. Writing. Revising. Facts and figures.

The interaction with Martin today has caused me to realize how asexual I tend to be in my brain. It's weird, the show he puts on to act interested. And there is not even the capacity within me to consider for a moment that this outward show may actually stem from something inwardly genuine. I think I have gotten very used to feeling as though I won't have much in common with most of the people I interact with. Lately I have been of the mindset that if there isn't some immediate deeper connection, that there never will be. Perhaps this is myopic, but I can't find an aspect of me that is bothered by it! Not misanthropic. Not aloof. Not vacant. Just...cautious. Cautious? Deliberate.

Enough of the golliwompus. The trees across the way are looking barren and tired. I want to go explore.