Just Clearing My Head

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Pulling Up Anchor

Have to prevent the stasis from setting in. Disappointed to the point of prostration. Things go on, em. Make plans.

25. I should learn how to deal with adversity better. These visions of flying crowbars are probably not healthy.

An opportunity to exercise patience.

Will not limit my job search to just northeast ohio. A-ashte, Tahoma!

What I've learned from my mom is to be magnanimous, to the point of putting other peoples' sanity ahead of your own. It's a beautiful thing, to be that giving. But in this world of maddness, the beautiful things are the first to be torn asunder. Clandestine kindness probably works better than the overt variety because it's harder for people to latch onto and suck dry. Oh, Mike D. Everyone just takes and takes takes takes takes. Gotta straighten my thoughts. Thinkin' too much sick shit.

The trial begins today. Anne and Pat hit the road this morning which means I'm the caseworker for the next week and a half. Plus having Anne out of the office means that she who shall not be named has one less person onto whom she can leach her cancerous bile. I feel stronger today, like I will put up a good fight if it's called for. Done trying to placate her. It's an impossible goal. Yesterday when Jan was leaving the office she gave me her card and said to me, (in a whisper because she who shall not be named doesn't like it when people who work together get along well and talk to each other...) "call me anytime. I really value your friendship. Don't lose your perspective that this is all just pettiness, and that you'll get through it." And both Connie and Chuck had sent me supportive emails, both of which were so touching in their kindness it made my heart swell to remember that there actually are nice people out there.

How lovely.

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