The Only Road

There is something in the pit of my stomach, and I feel that it's growing. A burgeoning sense of time slipping away, a growing chasm that cuts like a knife, edgy and dull, gaping valley of my soul. There was still snow on the ground outside last year when we went to take the test together, I remember walking in and feeling that I had overdressed. By the time I got the letter back with the big number one on it, that valley had already started to suck the wind deep into it. I thought of all the faces in that room and felt this strange combination of pride and deep, deep longing. Like knowing that you're more than good enough for something and not being able to see any feasible way to get there.

There is a wolf-like resolve that is born from desperation. I haven't yet bared my fangs to that great big hollow going through my middle. I feel it, though. Don't know why I wait for other people's affirmations before taking action. It starts with small steps and by the end, hopefully, you're leaping.